i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
