Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
