I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
