I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
