Umm I'm too high to move.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
