Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
