i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
