Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
