Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
