Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
