the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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