Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
