i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Drunk is a universal language darling
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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