I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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