**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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