dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
