I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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