Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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