I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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