I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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