I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
