even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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