At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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