I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
