Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
