her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
