Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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