Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
