hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
