we're blogging at a bar
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
