I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
