I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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