What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
