Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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