Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
