So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
