Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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