I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
