The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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