Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
NoShamevember. You game?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
