Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
