Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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