Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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