Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
