So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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