Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
