guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
