a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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