just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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