dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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