Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
